I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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