Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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