the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
im holly from the hills drunk
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
