bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
