Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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