Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
