Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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