whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
