Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
