now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize