I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Randomize
