At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
