He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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