***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Can Purell be used as lube?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
