so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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