Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
did i just pee glitter
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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