Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize