I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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