I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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