***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
