whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
i am craving dick and cupcakes
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
