Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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