We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
my shit smells like andre
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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