Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
