ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
