Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
