hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
