My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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