Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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