Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
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