oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize