left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Randomize
