so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
