I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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