He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize