When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
