thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
