Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He called his prostate his "boner button".
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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