I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
