when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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