I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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