I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
