you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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