He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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