i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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