I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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