Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
