someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
