So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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