Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
