Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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