Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
