just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
