You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
My vagina is very pro this idea
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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