I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize