Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
