he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
