you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
