my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
