he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
