I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
