Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
