the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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