We need to rekindle our bromance
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
