bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
