I wish I could punch you in the face.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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