She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
