what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
