And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
